A Good Judge, or Too Quick to Judge?

First Impressions Not Final Conclusions

As I was walking over to the office this morning two disparate thoughts sat down side-by-side in my mind. I was thinking about something somebody said to me yesterday. I think he meant it as a compliment. I took it as such, even thought I'm not completely sure he is right. He told me that I'm good at reading people--making judgments as to whether someone is dependable, has good motives, that sort of thing.  The thought that began my cogitation had to do with an arm-full of stuff I was carrying, laptop, power cord, a really thick book, a couple of smaller ones, and a check that I wanted to be sure not to lose. Since my days as a freshman at Bremen Township High School, close to fifty-five years ago (back when only soldiers and boy scouts used backpacks), I have had the clear idea that guys carry stuff, like my collection this morning, one way, and girls another. Guys put the biggest flattest--in this case my laptop--thing on the bottom, and arrange the rest on top. Then they grab that big, flat thing by one edge, and carry it vertically at their side. their forearm will clamp the rest down. This leaves the other hand free for back-slapping, scratching, and other manly things.  Girls on the other hand hug their pile of books--assuming they can't get a guy to carry them (You independent women cut me some slack. I'm old-school.)--like a Teddy Bear. As is often the case, the female method has many advantages. Both arms share the load and books are much more secure. To this day, though, if I see a woman carrying a load "like a man," or a man carrying a stack of stuff "like a woman," my first impulse is, "That's odd." or, "I wonder if Bob has a sore arm?" or, "I don't want to mess with her today." I know that my barely adolescent first impression makes no sense, and my sixty-seven year-old self talks me out of it, but the reaction, like a preference for chocolate over vanilla, persists. Then I looked at the other thought, my friend's comment from yesterday. You can see where this is going, can't you? In our fast-paced world where first impressions are often the only impressions we have to work with, being able to size somebody up quickly is a great asset. BUT, But, but, we have to be careful and humble. Even if we are good at it--and in spite of my friend's compliment, I'm not all that sure I am--we need to not be overly quick to make that first impression our lasting conclusion. As I think back, I remember two preachers who made a very bad first impression on me. One I came to respect as one of the greatest preachers I ever heard. He inspired to be better at my craft. The other was my pastor for two years, and had a profound impact on my life. I'm glad those first impressions weren't my final conclusions. It's STTA (Something To Think About).

Got Your Pocketknife, #2

A pocket knife isn't the best tool for cutting a miter on a piece of trim, or skinning an electrical wire, or trimming your nails, but it is a tool that will work, and if you are among the group of men that Ispoke of yesterday you have one with you, and you are reasonably adept at using it.  You'll manage to git-r-done.

In counselling people in regard to relationships I find a principle that is pocket-knife-ish.  It applies across a broad spectrum of issues and it is accessible to amateurs--no "lay down on the couch," or six months of therapy.  

Take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle so you have two columns.  Make one side yours and the other whoever-else-is-involved-in-your-situation's.   

Let me illustrate the little tool with a rather innocuous, totally lopsided illustration.Every morning on my way to work I stop at Annie's coffee for a cup of java. As Annie hands me my morning fix she levels a look at me that ought to be reserved for the reincarnation of Adolph Hitler.  (Work with me here. Assume there is good reason to continue to buy coffee at this establishment with the frosty service.)

On one side of my sheet I list all the things Annie should do:  

• Attend Dale Carnegie class
• Look in the mirror
• Be thankful for my business
• etc, etc.

All true, but all, also, totally beyond my control.

The problem is totally the fault of the surly business woman, right?  My friend looking for help, is really helpless, isn't he?  Well, maybe, but let's not admit impotence until we have to.  Think about it.  Let me get the "My side" list started.  

• Upon entering the store greet Annie with a smile and pleasant greeting.

You are a skeptic aren't you?  You say, "That won't make any difference."  Maybe not, but then again, maybe it will.  And, there are likely other things "I" can do for the "my side" list.  One thing is for sure, if the only thing I do is gripe and complain about what is not being done on the other side of the page then all I have done is become a victim.  The problem with being a victim is they get victimized--all the time!  An even greater problem is acting the victim is not in line with the Bible, God's manual for getting along in life.  A summary of JesusGolden Rule, that may have learned as a child, goes like this:  

Do unto others 

as you would have them do unto you.

That places me not in the role of victim, but initiator.  There is something I can and should do.

I figure I was about four when my dad gave me that Davy Crockett pocket knife that wouldn't cut butter.  He wanted to instill a habit--carry a knife in your pocket and you'll be equipped for a lot of things.  There may be a better tool for the task, but it's at home in the shop.  With the knife you can very often make do.  You won't be helpless.  I offer the line down the paper tool for the same reason.  Quite likely there are more sophisticated therapies for your problem, but sometimes, quite frequently actually, you may find that this will do.  On other occasions it'll help you get by until (and these cases don't get stuck in the "until") you can fix it right.  

Don't be helpless.

It's Something to Think About. (http://sttaspots.blogspot.com/ 

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 (This little essay was actually where I started with yesterday's STTA.  Sometimes when you start whittling you don't know exactly what you'll end up with.)