A Happy Anniversary

A Happy Anniversary:

August 12, 1972, I said "I do" and "I will" to the lovely woman who became my wife and has now become my even lovelier wife. For almost all of those forty-six years, Kathy and I have been in ministry. During the first nine months of our marriage, while I finished college, we were youth leaders at a small rural church in Northeast Pennsylvania. Then for forty-two years we worked at Covington Bible Church in a mill-town in the Alleghary Highlands of Virginia. Unexpectedly, this is now our second anniversary celebrated on Guam, where we are privileged to serve at Pacific Islands University. One way or another, everywhere we have been, not only were we doing marriage for ourselves, but we have sought to model Christian-family, and teach people how to build homes that honor God. Now, working with young adults whose culture is as far from the one we grew up in as this island is far from rural Virginia, that is harder. Still, using the truth of God's word as our guide we are giving it our best shot. While we were out on a date this evening, I asked Kathy if she ever thought she would be doing what we are doing, where we are doing it, when she said "I do." back in '72. "No." was her answer, and for my part, I agree. The fact is, not only this last turn in our road together, but every step of our journey, has been unknown to us until we got there. Which brings me to an important truth about doing marriage right. Some of you readers, for whom I performed a marriage ceremony will be surprised to hear me say this, but the fact of the matter is, there is just no way you can be prepared for marriage. I'm still a believer in premarital counseling. I'm involved in a couple of versions of it, now, in my role at PIU. Bluntly, what I mean, though, is this:   There is nothing you can do before you are married that will ensure that you have a lasting, satisfying, God-honoring, people-blessing, good-child-raising marriage. Sure, starting well with good principles will make that more likely, but the bottom line it is not so much what you did before your marriage that brings success, it is what you continue to do. On this day that I celebrate saying "I do," I am committed to keep on doing. That concept is really quite liberating because it means there is hope. You can start now. Earlier this evening Kathy looked at me with those pretty green eyes and asked, "Are you happy?" I am. It's Something To Think About.

TOGETHER, for Thanksgiving and Beyond

Together Again, It makes my gray head thankful:

If you have nothing better to do than to read STTA every day, you know that Kathy and I have been at our older son's house for the past couple of days.  Last night, my younger son and his family arrived.  Kathy and I watched, and HEARD, the "Cuzzins" having a good time.  We really enjoy the fact that they enjoy each other.  Everyone except my older grandson was there.  He has been out on his own for a couple of years.  He lives nearby and will be in and out this week.  It's good to be together. It's even better to be TOGETHER. My Daughters-in-law, and my sons are bringing their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  The oldest grandchild, the one on his own, is a passionate follower of Christ.  I can look around my son's home and see reminders of the faith that makes this, and his brother's family tick.  I am very thankful. At this point in life all of us being together is an important part of me being together.  I remember hearing Dr. James Dobson, decades ago, answer the question about what he regarded as most important in family life.  I found these words in a graduation speech Dobson delivered.  As I remember it approximates the answer I heard on that earlier occasion. ". . . be there. On resurrection morning, be there. I will be looking for you then. Nothing else matters. Be there." Children & grandchildren aren't computers.  We can't program them.  At the top of our goals as parents, however, at the head of the list of our priorities for how we use those eighteen, or so, critical years that our children are at home, in bold letters on our prayer list should be these words, "Lord, in the end, I want my family to be there."  Together. It is likely a long way from here to heaven.  For the youngest of us it could be a century.  I can't look in anyone's heart and see what is there, but looking around at my family together, and seeing the evidence, gives me great encouragement.  In the sense of "Keep it together." or, "Don't go to pieces."  I feel together. Moving toward Thanksgiving, I'm a thankful "Papa."  It's STTA.

Memorial Day Thoughts From the Patriarch

Something to Think About Remembering:

I don't feel patriarchal--other than a gradual slowdown, and a few aches and pains, I feel good, but I guess I am the patriarch.  My Mom died a few years ago, her parents a long time ago, and on that side I'm the oldest in my generation.  My Dad died when he was four years younger than I am.  His Dad died when he was a toddler, and his mom three decades ago.  I have two cousins older than me on Dad's side of the family, but they are both of the matronly persuasion, and I'm senior on Mom's side, so, though I'm sure my family could do better, I am the Patriarch.  They didn't get to vote. From my white topped perch I share a few memories on this Memorial Weekend. Grandpa Hargrove was a man who worked hard all his life.  I'm told that when he was just a boy he was already driving teams of mules.  Somebody has to break those famously stubborn hybrids to get them to respond to the "gee," "haw," & "whoa" commands.  Grandpa did that.  My mom shared a life-long fear of big animals, inspired, she said, by seeing her Dad come in with his head split open after a round with one of the ornery beasts.  I never saw him use it, but I remember seeing Grandpa's old bull-whip (in his case wouldn't it be a "mule-whip"?) hanging on the wall.  Grandpa was recognized as a man who was a "good hand with stock."  He died showing an Angus bull he had raised and trained.  It wasn't the bull that took him, it was a stroke.  I was told the big, black animal just stood there next to his fallen master.  Grandma married again, to a man named Mr. Rogers.  She outlived him as well. Dad's father died in a railroad accident in Arkansas.  My Dad and his two brothers were raised by a widowed mom, and an assortment of relatives, who it always sounded to me like, from the stories Dad told, weren't all that helpful.  My Dad, and his two brothers fought in World War 2.  Together with an uncle (husband of Mom's sister) they helped defeat the scourge of the mid-Twentieth Century.  Two of my Mom's brother's served in post-war Germany.  My Dad's oldest brother died in the fighting around Saint Lo one month after he came ashore at Utah Beach.  The middle brother suffered as a prisoner of war, eventually losing a lung and his eyesight.  He became an avid fisherman, gentleman farmer, lover of rabbit beagles, and, toward the end of his life, mastered the art of reupholstering furniture.  Dad tried farming, and a couple of other ventures after the War.  Like so many other Southern Boys, he moved north for work.  I was raised in the Suburbs of Chicago.   My family logged, worked on railroads, built tires,turned out rolled steel, help put men on the moon, worked the high-iron that became the Super Dome, fed a nation and helped save the world. Me?  I sit in my living room on this Memorial Weekend and reminisce.  I hope it will stir your memories in a worthwhile direction. It’s STTA. Read here to find out about the greatest blessing.

Family Is Worth The Trouble:

Something To Think About, Family:

This is the first STTA I'm sending out this year.  Kathy and my year began with a mammoth 3,000+ mile car trip to Louisiana and Texas. The question  hangs in the air. The answer is contained in the picture at the top of this email.  Like many families in our day ours is spread across many miles.  Our elder son and his family live near Monroe Louisiana, his little brother is five hours farther in College Station Texas.  On the way to see their families, my wife and I were privileged to be involved in the formation of another family.  Family is worth the effort.  It was only for a couple of hours, but between visits with each of our sons' families, we were able to get everyone together for a couple of hours.  It caused my gray head to swell.   Family takes work. Over the years I have often had conversations with dads who wanted to leave, moms who wanted to quit, spouses who wanted to split, and kids wanted to run away or blow the whole thing up. Often that would be the easiest thing to do, and indeed there are situations when families just can't be saved, but building families, doing family, and working hard to preserve a family is always a good thing. It's worth the effort. It's STTA.

Family Heritage:

Something To Think About, Family:

I was privileged to hang out with my wife's family over the Thanksgiving Holiday.  Really, at this point in my life they are my family.  They are a remarkable group.  Their impact for the Lord's work is significant.  Their salt and light influence is clearly a result of God's grace, but beyond doubt one of the prime channels of Divine blessing were two parents who loved the Lord and were dedicated to bringing up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).  While I didn't grow up in their home, I am the recipient of God's grace that came through their dedicated parenting. It was uncanny.  We are a group of people in their 50s and 60s, yet our conversation clearly indicated that we have yet to get over our raising.  Parents, God has given you a powerful opportunity.  Make the most of it.  To all of us, if our parents gave us Book of Proverbs kind of resources to build on, let's make sure that we erect lives worthy of that foundation.  To those of you who look back and find that your parents didn't give you a good start, stay tuned.  We aren't doomed. It's Something To Think About.

Thoughts on Christmas, #4, Where Will You Be This Christmas?

Something To Think About, Christmas, #4 Where will you be for Christmas?

For all of my life Christmas has involved traveling. I grew up in a post-WW2, Baby-boom families.  Dad, a Southern boy, had gone North shortly after the war to seek his fortune and raise a family.  In the process he separated himself and that young family from grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  We often traveled South for a quick trip around Christmas.  On a few occasions some of our relatives would brave a trip to the frigid North to celebrate with us.  Sometimes we'd visit someone else from the diaspora, or they us.  I'd say well more than half the time Christmas involved somebody spending all day, or night, in a car or on a train.  When my boys were growing up we were always a day's travel from at least one set of their grandparents, and now my sons and their families are of at the fringe of what sane people drive.  Of course grandparents at Christmas aren't always in their right mind.  :) Over the years gasoline has been one of the major Christmas related investments in my family. Numerous times, though, when we would be on our way home from a yule odyssey my wife would comment about a particular family member.  "I never feel like I can get close . . ."  Packing presents in the trunk, keeping the snow boots from smashing the pumpkin pie, staying up all night to get there Christmas morning, those things are all doable, but bridging the gap that existed between my wife and this loved-one, even though they were both in the same room, just never got done. Most of what I've had to say, this week, about Christmas has gone in the opposite direction of the way our culture tends to celebrate the holiday.  Here is an area where, at least in part, the popular view of Christmas is right.   Christmas is about family. This Christmas make the most of family.  Don't let the busy-ness of the season keep you from reaching out to those you love, and who love you.  Gasoline and plane tickets can help bridge the miles, but it takes an act of the will to open your heart to those around you.  It's worth the effort. It's Something To Think About. We would love for you to make the Live Nativity a part of your Christmas Season.  It is a very family friendly activity.   Click the picture for more information.  covingtonbiblechurch.com

Somebody ought to do something.

It's one of those videos we would rather not see.  I know I certainly don't want to see it again.  A star football player is seen punching his fiance', now wife, and then dragging her out of an elevator. In classic dysfunctional form, the woman expressed remorse over her part in the incident.  Which means:  1) She had a part in the incident.  She was involved in some behavior that provoked the unjustifiable response, and/or 2) She has assumed the role of victim, including taking blame that should be placed on someone else.  It's broken, either way. "Somebody needs to do something!" Well, yeah. I'll leave the debate about what disqualifies someone from being a football player to others.  Should criminal charges be filed?  Perhaps.  Again, I'll leave that to someone else. The fact is, though, somebody is doing something, has been doing it for a long time, and will continue to do so, as long as opportunities present themselves.  When I talk about doing something, I'm not talking about staged outrage, scripted for the next news-cycle, or feel-good, knee-jerk reaction, tailored to pander to one constituency or another.  In fact what this someone is doing more proactive than reactive.  It certainly is more substantive than symbolic. The church of of the Lord Jesus Christ has done more to promote peace and stability in the family, and to protect the vulnerable than any other group in the world.  Take a map and color in the places where the church has had the greatest impact, and then color the places where women have been treated with the greatest dignity, then take one more pass and fill in places where kids grow up with the greatest opportunities and chance at a decent life.  You'll find that you are largely covering the same territory.  Every Sunday I look out on families that have been and are being reclaimed.  Eyes that once were blackened, glared with anger, or were made red with bitter tears, now shine with joy, because of the difference Christ has made, not only in individual lives, but in families. So, here is a recommendation.  Instead of searching the internet for another video of another derailed relationship, why not look for a church that proclaims the life-changing, family-redeeming message of the Good News found in Jesus Christ. It's Something to Think About.   Here is an interesting picture of what is wrong with the world (including families) and how God's message makes it right.

A Good Haircut

Something To Think About Marriage, 8/12

42 years ago at about this time, I was getting a haircut.  Kathy Marsceau was cutting my hair.  She didn't like the way my dad it.  She wanted me to look good for my wedding later that day.  I'll let you judge. Far more important than making me look better, she has and continues to make me better. I thank the Lord for a wonderful wife.  It's my anniversary so you go on from here, after all this is . . . Something to Think About.

Honoring Dad & Dad Being Honorable

Proverbs 17:6 says, the "glory of sons is their fathers."  The default condition is for children, especially boys to be proud of their fathers.  Dads, it is like we begin with a head start; our kids will look up to us until they have a reason not to.  I'll propose a simple exercise to demonstrate this.  Just listen to little kids talk about their dads.  There is a reason we tell, "My dad can beat your dad up" jokes.  It is because most little kids, in fact, believe that their dad can whip his weight in tigers with one hand tied behind his back. 
We usually attribute the change that comes to youngsters as they grow up to the kids, themselves, and our culture.  Again, a bit of observation will confirm that many/most of those four-year-olds who bragged on dad, by the time they become fourteen, are much less impressed.  Fathers, when we blame forces outside of ourselves for this fall in "polling numbers" are we taking the easy way out?  I fear we are. 

A friend of mine told me one time about a ministry in which he was involved.  Part of the meeting-plan of this ministry, involved food.  When my friend was put in charge of planning the gatherings he was given a sum of money--more than enough to purchase what was needed for a meeting's worth of snacks.  My friend was told, this was the last time he would be given any money.  He needed to make sure that he maintained a positive cash flow.  Guys, I think that is like our situation.  God has so wired little guys that they tend to look up to their dads.  Let's protect that capital.
When we ignore, lie to, make unreasonable demands on, and/or model inconsistent behaviors before our children we allow our paternal nest-egg to be diminished.  Far too often the reason the four-year-old, who thinks "there is no one like my dad," becomes the fourteen-year-old, who thinks "there is no one as lame as my dad," is because we convince them.  We waste our capital.

Fathers of youngsters, start now.  Hold on to that "The Man" position.  Sure, you aren't the strongest, fastest, smartest, or funniest, but you are the best dad your child has.  Maximize that privileged position.

Dad, if the shine has worn off of your "Best Dad" medal, don't despair.  There is hope.  Begin now to rebuild that platform.  Start by sitting down and asking your child to forgive you.  Hard, but it is the best way to start.

It's STTA.

AMEN!

SOMETHING  TO THINK ABOUT     Congratulations to Mr. Mrs. Steven Crowder.  I wasn't able to attend their wedding, but they look like a lovely couple.  The fact is I had never heard of the folk until this article.   Steven is a comedian and he wrote his article in a somewhat euphoric state, so I'll forgive him some word choices and  his lack of mercy to those on the other side.   Bottom line I say "Amen!" to his article.  In fact, if you are short on time read his article and don't finish mine.   There are many things wrong with the view of morality that prevails in our day.   We try desperately hard in our culture to find/ Vote For Pedro create/invent a "righteous" way to fulfill any desire.  Pedro would definitely win.  The bottom line is not only in regard to sex, but concerning fiscal-policy, buying new furniture, or having another piece of pie, often self-restraint/denial is a very good thing (see here for some Biblical input).  Unfortunately this will surprise some folk.  Morality is not decided by a public opinion poll.  Surveys tell us what is popular, not what is right.   Often what feels very good right now, will make me feel very bad for a very long time.  Note the wise choice this Bible hero made. The Creator of the Universe--including you and me--gaveus a set of instructions for life contained in His Word.  He came to earth to be our Savior.  While here he said, "I came to give you life to the full."  (John 10:10)  Satan, on the other hand has been saying ever since Eden, "Maybe God did say that, but if you do this, you'll be better off."  How's that working out, so far? I look forward to hearing more from the Crowders.  Right now, I hope they are enjoying their honeymoon. It's STTA.